Today’s life pro tip. When the pavement ends, without warning, do not continue on. Even if the map you looked at said the road goes through to a road you know is paved.
At first, when I got stuck, I tried to dig myself out. No luck. So I called USAA roadside assistance. They immediately dispatched a tow truck. A few minutes later, I got a call from the guy from the tow company. He asks: “You passed the fairgrounds?” Yep. “Are you past the church?” Yep. “One or two one-lane bridges?” Two. “Did you pass the state hunting grounds?” Nope. “I know exactly where you’re at. I used to live out that way. I’ll be in my 30-foot truck, you can’t miss me. We’ll pull you out.”
It took 2 hours to pull me out and load my car on the tow truck, and then 20 minutes to get me to pavement. As we’re driving back, the tow truck driver says, “Pulled a 4X4 out of there a week or two ago.”
Going over the first (second I passed on the way in), he says, “This bridge didn’t used to have guard rails. One beer and you had to call your friends to pull you back on the road.”
Four miles closer to pavement, “Pulled a Jeep out of there about a month ago. You got pretty far.”
I responded, “I don’t do anything half-assed.”
“Nope,” he said, “you’re a pretty good driver. Is your car four-wheel drive?” Nope.
And my car, here’s a picture of Tincup Tina, the brave 1990 Mitsubishi Mirage that took me on this adventure:
At least it was free with my USAA insurance roadside assistance. Him coming to get me 10 miles off-road was $300, plus at least $250 for the pulling me out of dirt. Nice.